By Debbie Reichard
Am I going to relive my excuses or turn them into new realities? Thoughts on when “I can’t do this
sh* t any longer” for Mums.
I live in a house with a female dog and 4 males – ranging from 9 to 60. At times the female dog terminology is a popular one but I’m not saying anymore about that. So apart from the “Where is” my stuff phenomena, there is a lot of male logic and a lot of socks, sports shoes and a busy kitchen.
There is a lot going on and also a lot of voices in my head about what needs doing and some long lists- seems like everyday it can rule my world.
For me, motherhood is a journey filled with love, joy, getting annoyed, laughing my head off, dealing with things as they happen and countless washing piles. Yet, amidst the beautiful chaos, many mothers find themselves grappling with guilt when they yearn for a moment of self-care or simply a break from the drill. I know that’s me too. I stopped to think about why I hadn’t treated my poor summer-worn toes hardened from sandals to a footbath at home, forget the salon style and guess what I got as I heard myself say to the footbath sitting in the corner abandoned … a big fat excuse!
Thinking about it again I realised it’s up to me to dip my toes into it so to speak and not leave my feet till last !!! Here are some common excuses mothers use when they want to do things for themselves but feel guilty, blocked, stuck and full of sabotage and the underlying truths behind them.
“I can’t do this sh*** anymore “
This phrase often masks a deeper fear of prioritizing oneself. Mothers are conditioned to put their family’s needs first, making it difficult to say “yes” to their own desires. They feel so indebted to their families that they lose themselves much like you might talk about an intimate relationship without good boundaries. The overwhelm can hit you straight in the head at times and make you feel like you need to run away.
“I have no time – too many competing things to do do do do “
How can I get the food delivered, food prep and cook juggling work, household chores, and childcare, finding time for me can seem impossible. However, even a few minutes of self-care can make a significant difference. Enter the footbath – bubble and vibrate mode is a must !
“I’m exhausted”
The physical and emotional toll of motherhood can leave mothers feeling drained. It’s essential to recognize that taking time to recharge is not a luxury but a necessity and if ‘you have a whole in your bucket’ and you don’t fix the hole then you aren’t going to rejuvenate. Happy feet need a spa to stay happy right ??
“Everything falls on me”
Many mothers feel the weight of responsibility on their shoulders. Sharing the load with partners, family, or friends can help alleviate this burden.
“I’m alone”
Motherhood can be isolating, especially for those without a strong support system. Seeking out community groups or online forums can provide much-needed connection and support. Having a good ongoing relationship with a few other Mums is such a great thing – you can be part of your very own support system
“I’m not enough”
The pressure to be the perfect mother can lead to feelings of inadequacy. It’s important to remember that being “good enough” is more than sufficient.
“I’m not a good enough Mum”
This self-doubt is common among mothers. Acknowledging one’s efforts and celebrating small victories can help combat these negative thoughts. Accepting that we learn as we go and we can ask for support and advice too.
“I don’t have the luxury or money”
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive. Simple activities like reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a cup of tea can provide moments of peace. Time is a finite thing but we all can decide how we use it and to schedule ourselves in.
“So tired I can’t think”
Mental fatigue is a real challenge. Prioritizing rest and seeking help when needed can make a world of difference. Then making a list of the most important issues and then work through others later.
“No one will help me”
Asking for help can be difficult, but it’s crucial to reach out to friends, family, or professional services when overwhelmed. Even random acts of kindness do exist.
“I can’t ask for help”
The fear of being judged or appearing weak often prevents mothers from seeking assistance. It’s important to remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes it is also a reflection of having a perfectionist streak and the need to find help and d e l e g a t e and trust others.
“I feel scared to ask for help”
This fear can stem from past experiences or societal expectations. Building a trusted support network can help alleviate this anxiety.
“My relatives stop me”
Family dynamics can sometimes hinder a mother’s ability to prioritize herself. Open communication and setting boundaries can help navigate these challenges.
“I have no idea of what else to do”
Feeling stuck is common. Exploring new hobbies or interests can reignite a sense of purpose and joy.
“I’ve tried everything”
When it feels like all options have been exhausted, seeking professional guidance from a therapist or counselor can provide new perspectives and solutions.
“I’m frustrated”
Frustration is a natural response to the demands of motherhood. Finding healthy outlets for this emotion, such as exercise or creative activities, can be beneficial.
“I’m so low and depressed and dejected”
These feelings should never be ignored. Reaching out to mental health professionals for support is crucial for overall well-being and often the sheer act of asking for that help can really start you on a new path quickly.
Motherhood is a journey that requires immense strength and resilience. It’s essential for mothers to recognize their worth and prioritize their well-being. By addressing these excuses and seeking support, mothers can find the balance they need to thrive and not keep them in the same old downward spiral of same- issue different day- labyrinth.
Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. You deserve moments of peace, joy, and self-care and definitely a regular foot spa.💖
Debbie. R
